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Talk:Rain
Official NRC Review To be honest, I really shouldn't be doing this now, I should probably review Dark Origins. ''But that story is long and is hard to read at times, and I have a few moments, so I think I should do this. Toa Roden, the author of this story, has written two extremely in-depth, well thoughout out reviews for two of my stories, and the least I can do is do a review for this. This is a short story, 's entry for ' Shark Slave short story contest. This work, Rain, is very well written, as well as many BZP epics and, in some cases, far better. The story is presented in a series of flashbacks of Pridak's, as they reveal his origins as a slave and how he became the ruler of the Matoran Universe, as he is presented in VNT's storyline. This entire story is very, very good. The writing is some of the best short story prose I've read on CBW, and the alternation between flashbacks and the current world is well done as well. The only flaw I can find here is there could be more description. I mean, I understand that it's meant to be a collection of Pridak's thoughts, but there should be at least a bit more description there. Aside from that, the pacing is excellent, the story is excellent, and Pridak's character is magnificently done. Some of his lines are slightly cliched, and remind me somewhat of Teridax's in the real BIONICLE storyline, but otherwise, the protagonist is excellent; his character well thought out. Some of the most recent scenes, particularly the first time he kills, are very well done, as they gradually reveal a darker side to his character, a darker side that will manifest itself in VNT's storyline. But neither of these are really isn't a major problem. For a short story, this is extremely well done. I would not at all be surprised if this wins the competition it was entered in to. A ''bit ''more description, and you've got a very well done BIONICLE short story here. Also, another thing: this story fits perfectly in its format. Some epics do not fit well as epics, some story serials not as story serials. ''Rain ''fits perfectly with the short story format it's presented in. This is very, very good. A magnificent job, Toa Roden. Overall: ''Rain ''is among the best short story pieces on CBW. With a bit more description, this would be the best, probably. The protagonist is fleshed out (a rarity among stories on here nowaydays), the writing is superb, and the storyline...virtually flawless. Pacing is almost perfect as well. And now, for the overall grade... Well, the temptation to give this an A- is very strong, but that wouldn't comply exactly with the NRC reviewing standards. This is definitely better then TEG, though, and almost as good as DR or one of M1's stories. With a bit more description, (and this really isn't a major problem), this story would merit a full A. '''Updated review: '''Now that it's finished, I need to alter the review. One thing that stands out, after reading the completed story, is that there is less description here then there needs to be. I'd like a bit more description here, (of the sailors, especially). Of course, there shouldn't be as much description as in an epic, but a bit more would be quite good. Excellent job, Toa Roden. Overall grade: B+ (Note that this story is still in progress, grade and review both subject to change as the story progresses). 'Varkanax ' 00:29, September 30, 2011 (UTC) Echo 1's Review Madness in Pridak. The rage, the power. All the struggle. This story combined sadness, drama, and (for lack of a better term) gloominess all into one glorious novella. The writing style seemed poetic at times, and all the talk of Pridak's original life was well-told. My personal favorite parts were the mock-battles with the League's clay soldiers, and the fight between Pridak and the quarry-master. And the relationship between the two revealed at the end was shocking. This was a beautiful piece of writing. I read this on a windy day, indoors, yet I can feel the cold rain beating against me the same way it beat against Pridak. Brilliant story. My '''official' rating: A. My personal rating: A+. Excellent job. Keep up the good work! ---- LCpl. Echo 1: High Resolution, Dinobot, Maximize! 20:45, October 7, 2011 (UTC) Crp11's Review This is my first review, so bear with me Rating: A First of all, I'd like to say that this is a very well written-story, with a dark and gloomy tone that adds an intense setting and a dramatic plot. It was certainly one of the best short stories I have read on the wiki so far. It seems to me that the rain spoken of in the story symbolizes that of darkness, a gloomy past that is beating down on your soul until all you have left is insanity. "It was the kind of rain that turns the earth beneath you into hungry mud. It was the kind of rain that blinds your eyes and chills your body. Ga-Matoran love the rain. I do not." I think, in showing how Pridak dislikes the rain, he doesn't want to give in to that inner insanity, correct me if I'm wrong, that's just my interpretation of it. Overall, an excellent story that will likely rise to popularity on this wiki quickly. I think you've earned this. Combat Robotic Prototype 11 01:26, October 13, 2011 (UTC)